Yes, I am a total facebook junkie. Especially now that I am not working. And just for you people who think we stay-at-homes do nothing all day, I am not usually even on the computer, but on my phone checking it while feeding my baby for the 100th time. The kid eats 50 times a day; it gets boring after a while. But I digress.
As in "real life," I am always very proud of myself when I come up with a real zinger to someone's status or comment. I expect to immediately see notifications of "likes" and virtual pats on the back. Just like in real life, when I expect guffaws and thumbs up and knee slapping. I rarely get it in either world, which just adds to my theory that I am completely and totally misunderstood by almost everyone.
Example A: a friend says something along the lines of, "I went to blah blah such and such today. I feel like an 18 year old again. Unfortunately, I no longer have the body of an 18 year old." I say, "So, you finally cleaned out your freezer?" Crickets.
A friend says, "Screw fake people. Say what you mean. People may not like you, but yadda yadda yadda..." and I say, "I agree. I don't like you at all." Nothing. Although I do give him props for offering to kick me in the face in response to my status a few minutes later.
Here I am offering pure genious, for free, and I get no appreciation.
Then there are the pages I have liked. Oh please, forget those. Somehow, I liked one page, which pimped out another page, which pimped out another page, and so on and so on and so on. I liked all of them. Then I got to this page where I amused myself by asking this stupid twat if she was secretly a fat bald middle aged man. This is what happened https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150343622621217&set=a.10150095295181217.303566.590056216&type=1&theater
I thought it was funny....I finally realized that all these stupid pages I "liked" were all cliquey and all seemed to know each other, at least in the cyber world. And somehow liking a cool page (Moms who drink and swear which led me to Little White Lion which is also funny) Somehow led me to a woman who named herself and her husband after a candy bar, and also a page called, It's human to cry, let the tears flow, which had been taken over by coup, and was calling everyone on it whiney bitches. They were actually, but still, not the point. Anyway, the point is, I would make comments and instantly be called a cunt, twat, bitch, asshole, the whole nine yards, by these annonymous people who I'm sure would never say these things to my face, but feel safe by the shield of the internet to type it at me. It reminded me of those AOL chat rooms in the mid 90s. It was always like that in there. People are not that confrontational in real life. (That is, in fact, the reason I stopped watching Larry David.) So, I decided, after little reflection, to unlike all of those pages, except for the afforementioned first two. I figure, if I am going to offend someone, it might as well be someone I know.
While I am complaining, I also would like for everyone to please heed my advice when you are graced with an actual serious attempt at help. Case in point, a friend asks today what color polish would go with a royal blue dress and silver shoes. I immediately say metallic hot pink or just plain red or burgandy. After that, someone tells her pastel pink with sparkles, which makes me cringe. Then she gets a like, and then someone else agreeing! HELLO PEOPLE, IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO WATCH WHAT NOT TO WEAR, THEN DON'T OFFER FASHION ADVICE. Get real, in what universe does a pastel go with a primary color?? Now, this poor thing, who wanted real help, is going to show up somewhere with sparkly pastel nails to go with her royal blue dress because everyone told her to. I just hope she doesn't post pictures, because I already know what my comment will be.
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