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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Funny Facebook thread about my Insanity woes

Holy mother of shit. This is effing insane. I couldn't even make it through the fit test without taking a short break to throw up and then cry at what a complete loser I am.
http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/insanity.do

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  • and 5 others like this.
  •  It gets better. Give it two weeks.
  •  Well I can't possibly get any worse!
  •  Hahaha!!!! That workout is no joke!!! Same happened to me when I tried it!!
  • You're kidding right?
  • Well I didn't actually puke. I stopped so I wouldn't. But I did cry.
  • I'm going to go drown my sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a panzarotti.
  • I'm so sorry but I laughed out loud. I'm telling you, focus on the form first and speed later. Just think, with a shitty first fit test, you will look like a hero when you do it again at the end.
  •  I got out of breath just getting it out of the cellophane.
  • The improvements each time you redo the fit test is amazing!
  •  Nice let me know how it goes I might give it a try
  • You're already insane enough
  •  Yeah but I look terrible I wanna be an in shape insane guy
  •  i tried to warn you so you wouldn't feel like a loser! i said, "don't worry about how hard the fit test may seem," didn't i???? You'll be fine! You are gonna be as sore as a motha this week, but I promise it gets better :))
  •  my main problem is that I'm not even sure I did anything with the right form. So basically I could get the same workout jogging in place for 30 minutes. I want to tone up and lose inches. How can I check my form with no help?
  •  Insert inappropriate joke here.
  •  if you have a place where you can do it in front of a mirror, that's the obvious way to check yourself against those thin bitches on your screen. i don't have such said place, but i do remember doing the workout at night and checking my reflection in my sliding glass door from time to time. and of course, dave would always just sit there and watch me, which was just a blast (sarcasm) so i'd ask him if i looked right...
  •  when you do the actual workouts he does explain proper form pretty well for most of them. practice will make perfect and you'll definitely figure it out.
  •  Thanks. I don't have a mirror where I am doing my workout either...I would ask Brett to spot me for a workout but he would just sit there and laugh hysterically. I'll have to figure it out. Maybe I'll practice form on the fit test stuff tonight in front of the mirror.
  •  another side note. remember you'll be sore tomorrow, but the following day is even worse. hope you live in a rancher........
    am i a motivational wonder or what?
  •  Not only do I have THREE floors in my house, but I have a knee problem. Ugh.
  • wow. these should have been included with the DVD set. http://www.ameriglide.com/AmeriGlide-Stairlifts.htm

    AmeriGlide Stair Lifts
    www.ameriglide.com
    AmeriGlide stair lifts are designed and manufactured for homeowner installation. We also offer nationwide installation.
  • Bahahahahahahaha!
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Monday, February 25, 2013

Week 1. Insanity...insane

Ok. So I was debating reviewing   Insanity as I was going through it. Today was day 1. And after the total um...well...insanity I just put myself through, I decided that yes, I will blog about it. If nothing else, it will keep me doing it because I'm totally OCD and will need to finish this once I start it.



So, first you should know that this review is coming from a normal person. I am not fat, but I'm not skinny. I thought...I was in semi ok shape until I did the Fit Test today! But more to come on that later. I am 5'9, 145 pounds. I am 37, a mother of two. 13 and 2 years old. My problem areas after having my 2 year old are, well everywhere it seems. My belly is a mess, my thighs are thick and rich with cellulite. I even have upper back fat now. Like I said, I'm not fat, but I've never had too much of a problem getting in shape by  running and this time around it is much harder. That said, I run about 3-4 days a week on average, 2-3 miles a day. I walk my dog daily, about a mile, and I do toning work almost daily...ab work, squats, some weights...whatever I feel like, usually only for about 20 minutes or so a day. To start, my measurements are 29" waist, 36" hips, and 23" thighs. Ok. So here goes:

Day one is the Fitness Test, which you do every 15 days to measure your progress. It sounds like, oh a quick test. But do not be fooled. This is a workout. It is about 30 minutes long and I couldn't even really make it through. At the end I was just kind of doing whatever to keep moving. I don't even know how to count the number of times I did the last 3 exercises, because I was more flailing around like a blind monkey than actually completing them in true form. Ps. If you are female, you may want to murder the girl on the dvd. I know the guy on the dvd did because she kept beating him and he looked like he was going to die at the end. That, and the fact that she is way too cute and happy and my stretched out belly will never look like her toned 22 year old abs, really gets me feeling stabby.

Here were my results, as best I could muster:

Switch Kicks: 47
Power Jacks: 40
Power Knees: 50
Power Jumps: 25
Globe Jumps: 7
Suicide Jumps: 3 (This is when I just completely gave up for a few minutes and cried)
Push-up Jacks: 6 (but technically 0 since I can't actually do a full push up)
Low Plank Oblique: 23 ( I clearly did these wrong because they were too easy)

Make sure you have plenty of water ready to go and you will need a decent amount of space available to perform globe jumps and push ups and also a clear path to the bathroom in case you need to puke. Lock your dog in another room because he will be concerned for you and unsure of your spastic moves. If he is like my dog, he will start to jump on you and stand directly where you need to go. He may lick your face when you try to do a push-up jack.

Ok. For the next 5 days I will be putting myself through more torture. I'll add more if I feel it warrants explanation. Otherwise, I will catch you next week.

Update: Ok on a serious tip...I just did the second DVD. Plyo-somefuckery or another I think it's called.  Let me tell you, if you have ANY KNEE ISSUES at all, this will be really tough for you. Once again, I cried like a baby halfway through simply because there were so many exercises in the second half that are really hard on your knee (my left one gives me issues from running for so many years) that I didn't even know what to do with myself after a while. For instance, there  were some drills involving dropping into a plank position, 4 quick push ups,  and then run while in plank position, jump up and then back down. Well, I overcompensated for my bum left knee by using my right knee and my arms too much. I ended up not being able to finish them, pulling my left tricep, and my right ass cheek is now killing me. It sucked mostly because without the knee pain I could have kept going. I ended up doing crunches and things to keep busy when I couldn't do the exercise. Once again, I'm sad. But I will stick with it until my knee falls off.

 Update: By Wednesday I was hating life and everyone involved in it. My entire body hurt, I couldn't even fathom doing 57 more times (And it gets harder??). BUT, then Thursday's workout came. Cardio Recovery. Many people that review cardio recovery say that it is really difficult and to not even consider it a break. It is difficult, a lot of yoga poses and holding stretches; you will still build up a little sweat. But this dvd is like a trip to Bali compared to the last 3 days. It was EXACTLY what I needed. It is a much needed and much deserved break. I woke up today, Friday, feeling like a million bucks! The soreness is subsiding. I'm not exhausted. In fact, I woke up early and did the workout before my little one woke up! Before today, I had been doing them during her nap time in the middle of the day. After the workout, I made an egg white omelette with fresh spinach, tomato, and mushrooms on a piece of whole wheat flatbread. No cheese doodle cravings, no swedish fish cravings, no ice cream cravings. I have to say, I feel pretty good today! There is hope. Three excrutiatingly tough days, followed by one easy day, then two more insane days, and then a day off. Ok, I can do this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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