Insanity 30 day results
Friday, March 22, 2013
Insanity Week four! Done! Almost.
I have one day left until recovery week but close enough! I can't believe it's been a whole month. It really went by fast after I got into the swing of things. I am scared of month two, but really psyched to see the results. Here are my 30 day pics. Don't mind the undies. I never feel like putting on bathing suits to take pics.
Insanity 30 day results
Insanity 30 day results
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Week 3 of Insanity...I'm watchin' the clock for YOU!
I did it. Three whole weeks of Insanity. This week there were no obstacles and I completed the workouts each day. I also spent some extra time at night doing some of the cardio ab exercises and practicing push-ups in order to strengthen those areas. I have not seen any new measurements on my body nor on the scale, but I have been adamantly trying to eat healthy and I do need to eat carbs in order to have the energy to do the workouts. I solicited advice from my most body-builder-y friend, who told me to get my carbs from oatmeal, broccoli, and sweet potatoes...all tummy fat burners. I am not discouraged, I feel more toned, especially in my tummy and love handle area...or as I like to call them, hate handles. I plan on cleansing during my recovery week and that will drop the water weight quickly.
Let's talk about a little observation I must make. Tanya and Shaun T. should moonlight as porn stars. With the guttural moans and faces, all while looking directly at the camera. It's uncomfortable. You in it Tanya? You feelin' it? Oooh yeah!! Really?? They REALLY like exercising. And the plank exercise Shaun T. shows you during cardio abs, it's obscene. I'm probably blushing. I do have a little crush on him though. How can't you? I know. He's gay. It's not the first time I've had a crush on a gay man.
No other updates this week, partially because my bored two year old is sitting next to me whining.
Let's talk about a little observation I must make. Tanya and Shaun T. should moonlight as porn stars. With the guttural moans and faces, all while looking directly at the camera. It's uncomfortable. You in it Tanya? You feelin' it? Oooh yeah!! Really?? They REALLY like exercising. And the plank exercise Shaun T. shows you during cardio abs, it's obscene. I'm probably blushing. I do have a little crush on him though. How can't you? I know. He's gay. It's not the first time I've had a crush on a gay man.
No other updates this week, partially because my bored two year old is sitting next to me whining.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Insanity Week two...In the words of Shaun T...This shit is bananas, yo.
Welp, it was a rough go, but I did it...sort of. Week two didn't start out so great. After my day off on Sunday, I woke up feeling not so great on Monday. I suspected I had caught Reagan's cold, but I pushed through and did Monday's workout anyway. Huge mistake. Tuesday morning hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so sick Tuesday and Wednesday I could barely move and was sure I had the flu. But Thursday I woke up feeling much better, albeit guilty for skipping two workouts on my second week. So I doubled up on Wednesday and Thursday's workout on Thursday. I was so proud! Friday I did the workout, and Saturday was Pure Cardio and Cardio Abs. I LOVED cardio abs. It was an awesome workout. Kicked my tummy's ass. Is that possible? Anyway, I did plan on doing Tuesday's workout on Sunday....are you still following me here?...but I decided since today (Monday) was my fit test, I wanted to make sure I got that rest day in between for max results.
The beginning of week 2 I saw a 2 pound weight gain. I was mortified. But I did google around a lot and saw that was the case with a lot of Insanitizers. Apparently, your body tries to protect your sore and tired muscles by retaining water as a cushion. I was worried all week, but yesterday I woke up with that two pounds gone, AND a little inch loss. My new measurements: waist 28.5 down from 29, hips 35 down from 36, and thighs no change. In addition to a little inch loss in only 14 days, I have to say my upper tummy is showing amazing definition...something I have NEVER had, even before two kids. Last night, I just stared at in in the mirror, flexing and twisting and feeling pretty freaking neat. I am super motivated to keep going and see what it looks like in 60 days. I'm hoping it starts to eek down toward the baby pouch.
I'm sure I'd lose a few pounds to boot if I was following the diet. But let me tell you, this program makes you ravenous. I wake up with the best intentions but I always start foraging for food by mid afternoon. Also, according to the book that comes with the program, if I want to lose weight while on the program, I should be eating 1200 calories a day while torturing myself with these workouts. No wonder I don't ever lose weight. Screw it.
Some advice: I have found getting through the workouts much easier by learning all the names of the stupid skinny bitches so I can yell at them and express my hatred for them during workouts. It's also a good way to test if you can still talk or are too out of breath. Ex: Fuck you Tanya! You stupid skinny smiling whore! Suck it, Arielle, or however you spell it. And hey Shanita, what do you mean you want to leave?? Aren't you getting paid for this shit?? I'm out $150! STFU and keeping doing your stupid power jacks.
And lastly: here are my fit test results:
Switch Kicks: wk1: 47 wk2: 59
Power Jacks: wk1: 40 wk:2 55
Power Knees: wk1: 50 wk2: 85
Power Jumps: wk1: 25 wk2: 31
Globe Jumps: wk1: 7 wk2: 9
Suicide Jumps: wk1: 3 wk2: 10
Push-up Jacks: wk1: 6 wk2: 7
Low Plank Oblique: wk1: 23 wk2: 32
Insanity
The beginning of week 2 I saw a 2 pound weight gain. I was mortified. But I did google around a lot and saw that was the case with a lot of Insanitizers. Apparently, your body tries to protect your sore and tired muscles by retaining water as a cushion. I was worried all week, but yesterday I woke up with that two pounds gone, AND a little inch loss. My new measurements: waist 28.5 down from 29, hips 35 down from 36, and thighs no change. In addition to a little inch loss in only 14 days, I have to say my upper tummy is showing amazing definition...something I have NEVER had, even before two kids. Last night, I just stared at in in the mirror, flexing and twisting and feeling pretty freaking neat. I am super motivated to keep going and see what it looks like in 60 days. I'm hoping it starts to eek down toward the baby pouch.
I'm sure I'd lose a few pounds to boot if I was following the diet. But let me tell you, this program makes you ravenous. I wake up with the best intentions but I always start foraging for food by mid afternoon. Also, according to the book that comes with the program, if I want to lose weight while on the program, I should be eating 1200 calories a day while torturing myself with these workouts. No wonder I don't ever lose weight. Screw it.
Some advice: I have found getting through the workouts much easier by learning all the names of the stupid skinny bitches so I can yell at them and express my hatred for them during workouts. It's also a good way to test if you can still talk or are too out of breath. Ex: Fuck you Tanya! You stupid skinny smiling whore! Suck it, Arielle, or however you spell it. And hey Shanita, what do you mean you want to leave?? Aren't you getting paid for this shit?? I'm out $150! STFU and keeping doing your stupid power jacks.
And lastly: here are my fit test results:
Switch Kicks: wk1: 47 wk2: 59
Power Jacks: wk1: 40 wk:2 55
Power Knees: wk1: 50 wk2: 85
Power Jumps: wk1: 25 wk2: 31
Globe Jumps: wk1: 7 wk2: 9
Suicide Jumps: wk1: 3 wk2: 10
Push-up Jacks: wk1: 6 wk2: 7
Low Plank Oblique: wk1: 23 wk2: 32
Insanity
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Funny Facebook thread about my Insanity woes
Holy
mother of shit. This is effing insane. I couldn't even make it through
the fit test without taking a short break to throw up and then cry at
what a complete loser I am.
http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/insanity.do
http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/insanity.do
Insanity Workout - Extreme Home Workout DVD - Insanity Workout Reviews - beachbody.com
www.beachbody.com
Beachbody,
creator of the nation's most popular in-home fitness and weight loss
solutions, was founded in 1998 by Product Partners, LLC.
- and 5 others like this.
It gets better. Give it two weeks.
Well I can't possibly get any worse!
Hahaha!!!! That workout is no joke!!! Same happened to me when I tried it!!
You're kidding right?- Well I didn't actually puke. I stopped so I wouldn't. But I did cry.
- I'm going to go drown my sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a panzarotti.
I'm so sorry but I laughed out loud. I'm telling you, focus on the form first and speed later. Just think, with a shitty first fit test, you will look like a hero when you do it again at the end.
I got out of breath just getting it out of the cellophane.
The improvements each time you redo the fit test is amazing!
Nice let me know how it goes I might give it a try- You're already insane enough
- Yeah but I look terrible I wanna be an in shape insane guy
i tried to warn you so you wouldn't feel like a loser! i said, "don't worry about how hard the fit test may seem," didn't i???? You'll be fine! You are gonna be as sore as a motha this week, but I promise it gets better :))- my main problem is that I'm not even sure I did anything with the right form. So basically I could get the same workout jogging in place for 30 minutes. I want to tone up and lose inches. How can I check my form with no help?
- Insert inappropriate joke here.
- if you have a place where you can do it in front of a mirror, that's the obvious way to check yourself against those thin bitches on your screen. i don't have such said place, but i do remember doing the workout at night and checking my reflection in my sliding glass door from time to time. and of course, dave would always just sit there and watch me, which was just a blast (sarcasm) so i'd ask him if i looked right...
- when you do the actual workouts he does explain proper form pretty well for most of them. practice will make perfect and you'll definitely figure it out.
- Thanks. I don't have a mirror where I am doing my workout either...I would ask Brett to spot me for a workout but he would just sit there and laugh hysterically. I'll have to figure it out. Maybe I'll practice form on the fit test stuff tonight in front of the mirror.
- another side note. remember you'll be sore tomorrow, but the following day is even worse. hope you live in a rancher........
am i a motivational wonder or what? - Not only do I have THREE floors in my house, but I have a knee problem. Ugh.
- wow. these should have been included with the DVD set. http://www.ameriglide.com/AmeriGlide-Stairlifts.htm
www.ameriglide.com
AmeriGlide stair lifts are designed and manufactured for homeowner installation. We also offer nationwide installation. - Bahahahahahahaha!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Week 1. Insanity...insane
Ok. So I was debating reviewing Insanity as I was going through it. Today was day 1. And after the total um...well...insanity I just put myself through, I decided that yes, I will blog about it. If nothing else, it will keep me doing it because I'm totally OCD and will need to finish this once I start it.
So, first you should know that this review is coming from a normal person. I am not fat, but I'm not skinny. I thought...I was in semi ok shape until I did the Fit Test today! But more to come on that later. I am 5'9, 145 pounds. I am 37, a mother of two. 13 and 2 years old. My problem areas after having my 2 year old are, well everywhere it seems. My belly is a mess, my thighs are thick and rich with cellulite. I even have upper back fat now. Like I said, I'm not fat, but I've never had too much of a problem getting in shape by running and this time around it is much harder. That said, I run about 3-4 days a week on average, 2-3 miles a day. I walk my dog daily, about a mile, and I do toning work almost daily...ab work, squats, some weights...whatever I feel like, usually only for about 20 minutes or so a day. To start, my measurements are 29" waist, 36" hips, and 23" thighs. Ok. So here goes:
Day one is the Fitness Test, which you do every 15 days to measure your progress. It sounds like, oh a quick test. But do not be fooled. This is a workout. It is about 30 minutes long and I couldn't even really make it through. At the end I was just kind of doing whatever to keep moving. I don't even know how to count the number of times I did the last 3 exercises, because I was more flailing around like a blind monkey than actually completing them in true form. Ps. If you are female, you may want to murder the girl on the dvd. I know the guy on the dvd did because she kept beating him and he looked like he was going to die at the end. That, and the fact that she is way too cute and happy and my stretched out belly will never look like her toned 22 year old abs, really gets me feeling stabby.
Here were my results, as best I could muster:
Switch Kicks: 47
Power Jacks: 40
Power Knees: 50
Power Jumps: 25
Globe Jumps: 7
Suicide Jumps: 3 (This is when I just completely gave up for a few minutes and cried)
Push-up Jacks: 6 (but technically 0 since I can't actually do a full push up)
Low Plank Oblique: 23 ( I clearly did these wrong because they were too easy)
Make sure you have plenty of water ready to go and you will need a decent amount of space available to perform globe jumps and push ups and also a clear path to the bathroom in case you need to puke. Lock your dog in another room because he will be concerned for you and unsure of your spastic moves. If he is like my dog, he will start to jump on you and stand directly where you need to go. He may lick your face when you try to do a push-up jack.
Ok. For the next 5 days I will be putting myself through more torture. I'll add more if I feel it warrants explanation. Otherwise, I will catch you next week.
Update: Ok on a serious tip...I just did the second DVD. Plyo-somefuckery or another I think it's called. Let me tell you, if you have ANY KNEE ISSUES at all, this will be really tough for you. Once again, I cried like a baby halfway through simply because there were so many exercises in the second half that are really hard on your knee (my left one gives me issues from running for so many years) that I didn't even know what to do with myself after a while. For instance, there were some drills involving dropping into a plank position, 4 quick push ups, and then run while in plank position, jump up and then back down. Well, I overcompensated for my bum left knee by using my right knee and my arms too much. I ended up not being able to finish them, pulling my left tricep, and my right ass cheek is now killing me. It sucked mostly because without the knee pain I could have kept going. I ended up doing crunches and things to keep busy when I couldn't do the exercise. Once again, I'm sad. But I will stick with it until my knee falls off.
Update: By Wednesday I was hating life and everyone involved in it. My entire body hurt, I couldn't even fathom doing 57 more times (And it gets harder??). BUT, then Thursday's workout came. Cardio Recovery. Many people that review cardio recovery say that it is really difficult and to not even consider it a break. It is difficult, a lot of yoga poses and holding stretches; you will still build up a little sweat. But this dvd is like a trip to Bali compared to the last 3 days. It was EXACTLY what I needed. It is a much needed and much deserved break. I woke up today, Friday, feeling like a million bucks! The soreness is subsiding. I'm not exhausted. In fact, I woke up early and did the workout before my little one woke up! Before today, I had been doing them during her nap time in the middle of the day. After the workout, I made an egg white omelette with fresh spinach, tomato, and mushrooms on a piece of whole wheat flatbread. No cheese doodle cravings, no swedish fish cravings, no ice cream cravings. I have to say, I feel pretty good today! There is hope. Three excrutiatingly tough days, followed by one easy day, then two more insane days, and then a day off. Ok, I can do this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
So, first you should know that this review is coming from a normal person. I am not fat, but I'm not skinny. I thought...I was in semi ok shape until I did the Fit Test today! But more to come on that later. I am 5'9, 145 pounds. I am 37, a mother of two. 13 and 2 years old. My problem areas after having my 2 year old are, well everywhere it seems. My belly is a mess, my thighs are thick and rich with cellulite. I even have upper back fat now. Like I said, I'm not fat, but I've never had too much of a problem getting in shape by running and this time around it is much harder. That said, I run about 3-4 days a week on average, 2-3 miles a day. I walk my dog daily, about a mile, and I do toning work almost daily...ab work, squats, some weights...whatever I feel like, usually only for about 20 minutes or so a day. To start, my measurements are 29" waist, 36" hips, and 23" thighs. Ok. So here goes:
Day one is the Fitness Test, which you do every 15 days to measure your progress. It sounds like, oh a quick test. But do not be fooled. This is a workout. It is about 30 minutes long and I couldn't even really make it through. At the end I was just kind of doing whatever to keep moving. I don't even know how to count the number of times I did the last 3 exercises, because I was more flailing around like a blind monkey than actually completing them in true form. Ps. If you are female, you may want to murder the girl on the dvd. I know the guy on the dvd did because she kept beating him and he looked like he was going to die at the end. That, and the fact that she is way too cute and happy and my stretched out belly will never look like her toned 22 year old abs, really gets me feeling stabby.
Here were my results, as best I could muster:
Switch Kicks: 47
Power Jacks: 40
Power Knees: 50
Power Jumps: 25
Globe Jumps: 7
Suicide Jumps: 3 (This is when I just completely gave up for a few minutes and cried)
Push-up Jacks: 6 (but technically 0 since I can't actually do a full push up)
Low Plank Oblique: 23 ( I clearly did these wrong because they were too easy)
Make sure you have plenty of water ready to go and you will need a decent amount of space available to perform globe jumps and push ups and also a clear path to the bathroom in case you need to puke. Lock your dog in another room because he will be concerned for you and unsure of your spastic moves. If he is like my dog, he will start to jump on you and stand directly where you need to go. He may lick your face when you try to do a push-up jack.
Ok. For the next 5 days I will be putting myself through more torture. I'll add more if I feel it warrants explanation. Otherwise, I will catch you next week.
Update: Ok on a serious tip...I just did the second DVD. Plyo-somefuckery or another I think it's called. Let me tell you, if you have ANY KNEE ISSUES at all, this will be really tough for you. Once again, I cried like a baby halfway through simply because there were so many exercises in the second half that are really hard on your knee (my left one gives me issues from running for so many years) that I didn't even know what to do with myself after a while. For instance, there were some drills involving dropping into a plank position, 4 quick push ups, and then run while in plank position, jump up and then back down. Well, I overcompensated for my bum left knee by using my right knee and my arms too much. I ended up not being able to finish them, pulling my left tricep, and my right ass cheek is now killing me. It sucked mostly because without the knee pain I could have kept going. I ended up doing crunches and things to keep busy when I couldn't do the exercise. Once again, I'm sad. But I will stick with it until my knee falls off.
Update: By Wednesday I was hating life and everyone involved in it. My entire body hurt, I couldn't even fathom doing 57 more times (And it gets harder??). BUT, then Thursday's workout came. Cardio Recovery. Many people that review cardio recovery say that it is really difficult and to not even consider it a break. It is difficult, a lot of yoga poses and holding stretches; you will still build up a little sweat. But this dvd is like a trip to Bali compared to the last 3 days. It was EXACTLY what I needed. It is a much needed and much deserved break. I woke up today, Friday, feeling like a million bucks! The soreness is subsiding. I'm not exhausted. In fact, I woke up early and did the workout before my little one woke up! Before today, I had been doing them during her nap time in the middle of the day. After the workout, I made an egg white omelette with fresh spinach, tomato, and mushrooms on a piece of whole wheat flatbread. No cheese doodle cravings, no swedish fish cravings, no ice cream cravings. I have to say, I feel pretty good today! There is hope. Three excrutiatingly tough days, followed by one easy day, then two more insane days, and then a day off. Ok, I can do this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Blog-o-tronic
I wish there was one. It seems all my thoughts have been reduced to 2 sentence facebook status updates rather than entire blog worthy epiphanies.
Had a disturbing dream last night that I was about to get raped by an old friend I haven't seen in years. I was woken up by Reagan's baby monitor before it actually happened, but he was in the process of holding me down and putting lotion all over my hands so I couldn't fight him off. I don't know if that would work in real life, nor do I want to know, but in the dream it was working and it sucked.
Although I have felt the urge to blog, my 10 month old feels the urge to smack the keyboard repeatedly causing me to have to backspace and retype, and once wait for my computer to come out of sleep mode when she hit the little moon key.
I've been very good with not putting the tv on at all during the day. We play, clean, walk the dog every day, run errands, etc. Unfortunately, on the rare occasion I just need a break and put the tv on to try and occupy her for 5 minutes, it doesn't work. It's like she doesn't even notice it's on. It's Bubble Guppies too. I mean, come on. I even zone out and watch it for a few minutes. Oh well. Maybe my brain will stop being mush soon and I can actually blog something interesting. I'm even boring myself.
Oh, I've been baking like it's my job. All gluten free, vegan, and sugar free. I'm hoping to start a little home business soon. Maybe I should blog my food, like everyone else does...
Had a disturbing dream last night that I was about to get raped by an old friend I haven't seen in years. I was woken up by Reagan's baby monitor before it actually happened, but he was in the process of holding me down and putting lotion all over my hands so I couldn't fight him off. I don't know if that would work in real life, nor do I want to know, but in the dream it was working and it sucked.
Although I have felt the urge to blog, my 10 month old feels the urge to smack the keyboard repeatedly causing me to have to backspace and retype, and once wait for my computer to come out of sleep mode when she hit the little moon key.
I've been very good with not putting the tv on at all during the day. We play, clean, walk the dog every day, run errands, etc. Unfortunately, on the rare occasion I just need a break and put the tv on to try and occupy her for 5 minutes, it doesn't work. It's like she doesn't even notice it's on. It's Bubble Guppies too. I mean, come on. I even zone out and watch it for a few minutes. Oh well. Maybe my brain will stop being mush soon and I can actually blog something interesting. I'm even boring myself.
Oh, I've been baking like it's my job. All gluten free, vegan, and sugar free. I'm hoping to start a little home business soon. Maybe I should blog my food, like everyone else does...
Monday, August 1, 2011
But I stilllll love technology,,,..always and forever -Kip, Napolean Dynamite
Hmmmmm....what to write what to write what to write....all work and no play makes jack a dull boy...ha! You know, anyone could play an insane person now by typing that once and just cutting and pasting. The days of ye olde typewriter and white out are long gone. AND that's what I can write about. Technology.
Ten years ago I was freaking genius when it came to technology. Remember when no one knew how to set the time on their VCRs? Haha, I could always figure it out. Well, ok so maybe that was 20 years ago. Anyway, I prided myself in the fact that I could figure out how to connect anything to anything else and make it work. When I got my first computer, I was 19 and in college. I still have the thing in the basement. It is a Packard Bell. It had a 14.4 modem which I upgraded to a 28.8 and added memory too, all by myself. I set up wav files for every notification. I had that thing pimped out. I'm not sure exactly when it all got away from me, but it definitely did.
My problem is I have absolutely no patience whatsoever. I CANNOT read directions. I need to be able to figure stuff out by doing it. When putting together my baby's stuff (namely her stroller and pack and play) I was literally brought to tears each time. You HAVE to read the damn directions to put that shit together. And whatever 5 year old they hire to draw the pictures on those pamphlets should seriously be put through more art classes first.
It's so unfair. My husband is a tech guru. It's what he does for a living. He is a wiz at reading and following directions. So, I am left with a house full of techy crap that I can literally not even figure out how to turn on most of the time.
So, in our family room entertainment system, we have: a very large flat tv, a wii, xbox 360, playstation, some connection for that that plays hd dvds, a directv receiver, speakers, some other speaker like thing that is just for base or something, and a receiver that connects to all of it, plus his computer which is set up to play music. Here's what I can do: I can turn on the tv, change channels, and change the volume. I cannot watch payperview, I cannot play any sort of dvd like substances, I can not play video games. I hate it. I used to be able to do all of those things. Now there are just too many wires. Toooo maaaaany wiiiiires.
Speaking of wires, I bought a nice pretty chest just so I could shove all the loose wires in there, because I don't know what any of them are for and they are not connected to anything. Behind the TV it looks like a fireman's wet dream. Wires connected to other wires, connected to electric things, plugged into surge protectors, plugged into other surge protectors, wrapped around wires that aren't connected to anything (dammit I told him I bought a freaking chest for that shit.)
I used to listen to music. I loved buying cds and records. Alas, after a decade of trying I have given up on all my ipods. I can't seem to get any of them to turn off, and they just die eventually. I can't upload any music onto anything. Actually, I can't even download music onto my computer. I seriously don't know how. I really miss music I could actually touch.Thank Jah I can still read books. I refuse to get one of them there new fangled nook things. I just hope I'm not eventually forced to. Or I'll be like those people in Fahrenheit 451 who memorize books.
My cell phone has one of the rings that just comes with it when you buy it. No fancy music for me. I can't figure out how to get it onto my phone.
My husband tries to get me into stuff. He bought me an ipod dock alarm clock for a birthday or something. It's in his drawer. I never used it. He tried to give me his ipod touch when he got an iphone. I brought it on vacation after fully charging it and it died on the plane. Apparently, I didn't turn it off correctly after charging it. Come on, apple, is it really that difficult to make something that plays music that you can just, oh I don't know, switch off with a button?? Like people have for a century or so? Anyway, I never used it again after that. He got a Xoom, and tried to explain to me the many benefits of having one, how I need one for while I am wandering my house. I can look up recipes and bring it into the kitchen! What's wrong with index cards? Oh and PS, Angry Birds is stupid.
I am aware I sound like a grandma. But I honestly don't have enough time to deal with the crap.
Sadly, my little web-book that I am on right now is dying. Hubs says the flerpityderp is on the fritz or something like that. I had brought it to his attention yesterday that it would go into some dos thing when I tried to load my windows screen thingy and he looked at it and said, "What do you want, a laptop or desktop?" I burst into tears. I seriously did. I don't want anything! I know how this thing works and besides, all my stuff is on it.
Luckily, I can still look like a total technological genius by heading over to my parent's who finally broke down and bought their first computer like THREE MONTHS AGO! Yeah, they think I'm cool. My mom hands me her phone and says, "I don't know why but it won't ring anymore." And I go, "Yep, that's a volume issue you got there. Let's just push this button three times and viola! Sound!"
Ten years ago I was freaking genius when it came to technology. Remember when no one knew how to set the time on their VCRs? Haha, I could always figure it out. Well, ok so maybe that was 20 years ago. Anyway, I prided myself in the fact that I could figure out how to connect anything to anything else and make it work. When I got my first computer, I was 19 and in college. I still have the thing in the basement. It is a Packard Bell. It had a 14.4 modem which I upgraded to a 28.8 and added memory too, all by myself. I set up wav files for every notification. I had that thing pimped out. I'm not sure exactly when it all got away from me, but it definitely did.
My problem is I have absolutely no patience whatsoever. I CANNOT read directions. I need to be able to figure stuff out by doing it. When putting together my baby's stuff (namely her stroller and pack and play) I was literally brought to tears each time. You HAVE to read the damn directions to put that shit together. And whatever 5 year old they hire to draw the pictures on those pamphlets should seriously be put through more art classes first.
It's so unfair. My husband is a tech guru. It's what he does for a living. He is a wiz at reading and following directions. So, I am left with a house full of techy crap that I can literally not even figure out how to turn on most of the time.
So, in our family room entertainment system, we have: a very large flat tv, a wii, xbox 360, playstation, some connection for that that plays hd dvds, a directv receiver, speakers, some other speaker like thing that is just for base or something, and a receiver that connects to all of it, plus his computer which is set up to play music. Here's what I can do: I can turn on the tv, change channels, and change the volume. I cannot watch payperview, I cannot play any sort of dvd like substances, I can not play video games. I hate it. I used to be able to do all of those things. Now there are just too many wires. Toooo maaaaany wiiiiires.
Speaking of wires, I bought a nice pretty chest just so I could shove all the loose wires in there, because I don't know what any of them are for and they are not connected to anything. Behind the TV it looks like a fireman's wet dream. Wires connected to other wires, connected to electric things, plugged into surge protectors, plugged into other surge protectors, wrapped around wires that aren't connected to anything (dammit I told him I bought a freaking chest for that shit.)
I used to listen to music. I loved buying cds and records. Alas, after a decade of trying I have given up on all my ipods. I can't seem to get any of them to turn off, and they just die eventually. I can't upload any music onto anything. Actually, I can't even download music onto my computer. I seriously don't know how. I really miss music I could actually touch.Thank Jah I can still read books. I refuse to get one of them there new fangled nook things. I just hope I'm not eventually forced to. Or I'll be like those people in Fahrenheit 451 who memorize books.
My cell phone has one of the rings that just comes with it when you buy it. No fancy music for me. I can't figure out how to get it onto my phone.
My husband tries to get me into stuff. He bought me an ipod dock alarm clock for a birthday or something. It's in his drawer. I never used it. He tried to give me his ipod touch when he got an iphone. I brought it on vacation after fully charging it and it died on the plane. Apparently, I didn't turn it off correctly after charging it. Come on, apple, is it really that difficult to make something that plays music that you can just, oh I don't know, switch off with a button?? Like people have for a century or so? Anyway, I never used it again after that. He got a Xoom, and tried to explain to me the many benefits of having one, how I need one for while I am wandering my house. I can look up recipes and bring it into the kitchen! What's wrong with index cards? Oh and PS, Angry Birds is stupid.
I am aware I sound like a grandma. But I honestly don't have enough time to deal with the crap.
Sadly, my little web-book that I am on right now is dying. Hubs says the flerpityderp is on the fritz or something like that. I had brought it to his attention yesterday that it would go into some dos thing when I tried to load my windows screen thingy and he looked at it and said, "What do you want, a laptop or desktop?" I burst into tears. I seriously did. I don't want anything! I know how this thing works and besides, all my stuff is on it.
Luckily, I can still look like a total technological genius by heading over to my parent's who finally broke down and bought their first computer like THREE MONTHS AGO! Yeah, they think I'm cool. My mom hands me her phone and says, "I don't know why but it won't ring anymore." And I go, "Yep, that's a volume issue you got there. Let's just push this button three times and viola! Sound!"
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